Where do I begin? I guess at the beginning. Anyone who knows me well, or maybe even not that well, knows that orphans, adoption, and loving children is something that has been on my heart for a very long time. I can remember being a little girl and thinking I would one day like to adopt. Fast forward to 2012 and I met my sponsor son Bobby and the idea of adopting internationally was sparked. However, over the past couple years it has become really clear that adopting from Uganda is not part of God's plan. As those doors closed I became pretty discouraged and thought that perhaps God was closing the doors for me to become a mother at all. I had many dark days where I'd all but given up on the idea of ever being a mom, but I continued to try to leave my future all in His hands. Many times I tried very hard to keep my grip on things even a little bit, only to realize of course that when I finally let go and surrendered to God I'd gain more peace than if I'd planned things myself! During the past few years I have often times thought about the option of doing foster care, but I would usually end up pushing it to the back of my mind because I knew with a crazy night shift nurse's schedule it just wouldn't be a possibility. I hoped and prayed for an opportunity to change jobs (for a multitude of reasons), but things just never seemed to work out. At least not when or how I wanted them to! Then a couple years ago my dear friend convinced me to give school nursing a try as a substitute nurse. I was hesitant at first because all I had ever done was NICU nursing! I knew babies not kids or adults! I finally decided to give it a try though, and within my first couple days subbing I was in love!! I learned quite a bit in those first several months as a substitute school nurse, so at the end of the school year when a full time position became available I eagerly applied and thought 'This is it! This is the opportunity I've been waiting for!'. It will come as no surprise that when I didn't get the job I was heartbroken! Devastated! I was even angry at God for in my mind 'dangling the perfect job right in front of me, only to rip it away like a cruel joke!'. I considered quitting as a sub all together because I just couldn't see continuing to do it knowing it wasn't going to work out in the long run. But, thankfully my friend encouraged me to continue and try again the following year when there would be more full time openings due to several nurses retiring. The thought of having to wait an entire year was excruciating at times, but I began to sense a peace about it and tried to be patient. During that time God also began to mold my heart and open it more and more to the idea of becoming a foster parent. In a public school system we see a lot of children in foster care, and my heart began to really have a special place for those kiddos who just need a little extra love. The time came to apply for the full time school nurse positions and I once again did so eagerly! This time, however, I was offered a position just a few hours after my interview!! I was ecstatic!! And now, as I look back, that extra year subbing and gaining experience with the kiddos all makes sense now! God was preparing me for my current job and preparing me for the next journey he was going to take me on...that of becoming a foster mom!
God has been preparing my heart and guiding me to this point long before I ever realized it, but I couldn't be more excited to see where this is going to take me! I'm just in sort of the beginning to middle stages of the process to become a Licensed Therapeutic Foster Parent, which in Indiana is how you are automatically licensed when you go through an agency. I have spent the last several months doing lots of research, praying, educating myself, and then more praying about how God wanted me to move forward and I'm excited about the path I'm on so far! I've had so many thoughts and emotions in the past several weeks as I've begun this process; everything from joy and excitement to fear and doubt! One of the things that God has really been helping me learn and grasp is the whole idea of foster care and what that truly means. The initial goal for every child placed in foster care is reunification with their birth family, and I truly believe that is the best scenario when it's safe and possible. My job as a foster parent will be to take in that child/children, provide them a safe environment, and love them the best way I know how for however long they may be in my care! I'm not a replacement for that child's mother, and I don't want to be. Will it be heartbreaking to love a child and then see them leave? Of course, but ultimately it's not about me or my feelings! It's about these precious kids who just need love, and compassion, and a chance at a life without heartache! This quote kind of says it all for me "I'm not afraid to grieve. I'm afraid of what would happen to these children if no one took the risk to love them." I'm sure I'll be writing much more about this and sharing my journey along the way, but for now I'm just excited to see how this all unfolds! God is up to some big things and I'm pretty blown away that he's picked me to be a vessel!
And now maybe you're asking yourself 'how can I help or learn more?'. Well, if you're interested in learning more about foster care in general message me and I can connect you to some of the resources I used. If you want to help me...for now the biggest thing people can do for me is pray! Pray for my heart as I start this journey, pray for the children and the families I'll come in contact with, and pray that God continues to provide and show me how to proceed. If you want to help in more tangible ways I think I'm going to start a private facebook group for anyone who wants to keep closer tabs on how everything is progressing, and I'll also post ways there to help in more tangible ways. As the saying goes...it takes a village and I know I will need quite a village on this journey!
