"It"

I have so much in my heart and on my mind. So much to process over the last few days. The "Letter to the North American Church" written my Ann Voskamp; Todays sermon on my last Sunday at my beloved church in Indy about living with Joy in a world sometimes filled with frustration and trials; officially moving this week and no longer having a place to call "home" in Indy; feeling a tugging on my heart to do more for Uganda or in Uganda. So many things I want to process and write about...but don't know where to start. I don't know what to say...other than He is working on me! I feel it in my soul...there's a stirring and a flame being fanned that I don't even really know or understand, but I feel it!! Maybe its just Him calling me more to Himself...but its there. Whatever "It" is, its there and I am praying my humanness doesn't get in His way!!

Baby boys, moving vans, and far away lands!! Oh my!!

I'll warn you...this could get a bit lengthy!  I am sort of combining what could really be two or three separate posts all into one.  Life has been a bit crazy lately, so I'm "multi-tasking" so to speak. 

First of all, I just have to tell you how awesome being an Auntie is!!  It's really AWESOME!!  Course when you have the cutest nephew ever it's pretty easy to fall madly in love with him (see I have proof)! 

 

Bryson is doing really well, all things considered, and is growing like a weed!  He's starting to do all those fun baby things like smiling, cooing, and giggling that make being an Aunt even more rewarding! 

 

 I just love that little guy SO much!!

God has once again (because I am pretty dense sometimes) been teaching me a lot about trust, patience, and His perfect timing.  As I've mentioned before I've been working in Fort Wayne, living with my parents, paying rent on my rental house in Westfield, and driving down there when I can to check on things and get mail, etc.  Well, that is about to change!  My landlords have found a new tenant to move into the house I've been renting, which is great news, but I have to be out by July 1st!  Yikes!!  All of the back and forth hasn't been terribly fun, but in a way it has made this move seem less real, or permanent.  Now that I actually have to be out of my house, and really move it's all setting in a little more!  Don't get me wrong...I am really happy to be moving home to Fort Wayne, and to be close to my family again!  It's been a blessing to be home to be able to help Caitlin and her husband out some with Bryson since he has a few more "extras" than a "normal" baby that I'm familiar with.  Being in Fort Wayne again really is sort of coming full circle for me and a homecoming.  However, I am going to miss living in Westfield/Indy area so much!!  I will miss seeing my cousin, Kasey, and dear friend, Julie on a weekly basis so much!  God has really used both of those ladies to build me up and encourage me in my faith and things I'm passionate about so much!  I know I will still see them often, but not nearly as often as I'd like!  Then there's my church...leaving it will be so hard I hate even thinking about it!  I've grown so much being part of that church!  God took me places I never would have dreamed because of that church!  Being part of someplace that is so Kingdom minded is amazing and I love it!  It encouraged me and challenged me on a weekly basis!  I know that God wouldn't lead me to Fort Wayne, and not lead me to a great church here as well, I just have to figure out where that is!  Pray with me that I will be open to His leading and finding an amazing church here in FW as well!

The other part of this move that has really started to become more of a reality to me is that I'm really having to give up on my dream of adopting for awhile.  I won't be able to even think about starting the home study process until I've lived and worked here for at least several months, so unfortunately adoption is just not in my immediate future.  I know that God has a bigger and better plan for my life, but that doesn't mean it isn't hard, or disappointing!  It's pretty heart breaking actually!  And almost as hard is sort of having to deal with it in silence.  So many people either don't really even know that I was so close to really starting the adoption process full force, or just don't understand, that I just don't talk about it that much.  And I certainly don't want to take away from the joy that Bryson has brought to our family!  I have my moments with God that I ask why, and wonder if this move is really the best thing, but I have faith and trust that God's plan is and will always be better than mine!!  So, I'll wait...wait for His timing and His plans to be revealed!!

Another positive aspect of this move, besides being close to family, is that my parents are going to allow me to stay with them a few extra month and save up some money not paying rent.  It will mean sort of moving twice, which I hate even the thought of, but saving that extra money for a few months will be awesome!!  What will I do with that money you ask??  Oh...how about GO BACK TO UGANDA!! Yep!!  That's right, I'm going back to Uganda in October (again)!!  About a month ago I was presented with the amazing opportunity to go to Uganda with the amazing organization Hope Grafted In!  They are the organization that I am able to sponsor my sweet Bobby through.  So...that means I get to go see Bobby again!!!  I am SO excited I can hardly stand it!!  A friend of mine from my first trip to Uganda was just there leading another VO trip and she was able to take and deliver a few little thing I got for Bobby while she was there.  She took this pic and posted it to my facebook wall one day while she was there!

 

  Can you even believe how big he's getting!?!  The thought of holding that sweet baby boy in my arms again just makes me want to run around screaming with glee like a little girl!!  Oh, and look what I got in the mail a couple weeks ago!! 

 

 How adorable and sweet is that!?!?  I have been praying since I returned from my first trip to Uganda that God would open the right door for me to be able to return there, and I know this is that door!  There are still a lot of obstacles that will have to be cleared for me to be able to go, but I know that if He really wants me to go He will once again provide the means and everything will fall into place!!  I am so excited!  I cannot wait to put my feed down on that red dirt again, and love on some truly amazing people and children again!  Don't worry...I'm sure I'll be sharing a lot more about the trip in the coming weeks and months!  For now, I'll wrap up this small novel I've written with this little excerpt from a devotional I read the other day that I think is perfect for the past few weeks and weeks to come.  I pray that we will all come to find peace and comfort in His call and purposes for our lives and not in our own!!

 

"We may think we know what is best for us, and we may long after many things, but true satisfaction comes when we believe God, respond to His call upon our lives, and walk according to His purposes and not our own."