Like a Child...

I've been thinking a lot about kids lately, for several reasons, but among them my upcoming trip to Uganda and my desire to adopt someday.  Children have such an innocence and pure joy about them!  They are completely trusting and love so unconditionally.  I wish at times I could have that pure joy and total trust that children have.  I get a daily Bible verse sent to my phone everyday and today's verses were Matthew 18:1-4.  This is the passage where Jesus talks to the disciples about coming to Him as a child.  "At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, 'Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?' He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: 'Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.'"  I read those verses and was reminded of a Jars of Clay song called Like A Child .  Here are the lyrics to the song:

Dear God, surround me as I speak,
the bridges that I walk across are weak
Frustrations fill the void that I can't solely bear
Dear God, don't let me fall apart,
you've held me close to you
I have turned away and searched for answers I can't understand

[Chorus:]

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them crashing into the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe
with faith like a child

Sometimes, when I feel miles away
and my eyes can't see your face
I wonder if I've grown to lose the recklessness
I walked in light of you

[Chorus]

[Little girl:]
"I've got joy like a fountain!"
"Be kind one to others"
"In Jesus Christ Your son"

They say that love can heal the broken
They say that hope can make you see
They say that faith can find a Savior
If you would follow and believe
with faith like a child

There are so many things happening in my life, exciting things that I never thought I would do or be possible.  My prayer is that as I pursue these things and follow God's plan I will have faith like a child!!

Learning as I go...

I am so far from perfect!  But, I am learning as I go.  I have realized recently how much I've grown in the last few years, and I'm so grateful for the journey God has taken me on.  I think sometimes when you are raised in a Christian home and have grown up in church you can easily fall in to a pattern of mediocrity or almost begin to take your faith for granted.  I admit that there have definitely been times along my walk when I have fallen into those patterns.  I would love to say that that will never happen again, but I realized I am human and will most definitely face times in my future when things may not be as exciting or easy as they are now.  In the past few years, and especially the last few months, I've learned more and more what it really means to completely surrender to God and His will.  I've really learned how when you truely seek Him and let God guide you.  He can do amazing things in your life and the lives of those around you.  The lead pastor at my church challenged us a few weeks ago to take 30 days and pray for the people in our lives that may not be the easiest people to get along with, or that you may even consider an "enemy".  He said even if those people may or may not necessarily be changed as a result, if we would allow God to work through us and those prayers that our hearts would be changed.  While I admit I probably haven't been completely consistent with the 30 days part, I have been praying for these people whenever I know I may encounter them or when God places them on my heart, and the results have been quite humbling!  I have found that God has really softened my heart and opened my eyes to see these people through His eyes and not my own.  I've also noticed a difference in how these people have been reacting to me, and beginning to possibly soften their hearts some.  I've discovered that even when I may find it difficult to love someone myself, if I pray and ask God to love them through me, He can and does show through me.  The fact that God can use me, and work through me and my heart to begin to soften the heart of someone else is so incredibly amazing to me!  I am just an ordinary girl!!  Who am I that God would choose me to do some of His Kingdom work.  In preparation for this trip to Uganda I am humbled to think that God will use me to show His love to some of these precious orphans.  I cannot wait to get to love on those Children and see those smiling faces in person!  I know that God is going to teach me so much more through them, than I will probably teach them.  I look forward to learning more about Him and His love through this trip.  Another thing I've learned first hand recently is how God can use me to do things I never thought possible on my own.  This coming Sunday is the launch for the Life Group I will be leading through my church and I am still a little shocked that I am even doing this!  But, I know it's all God's calling and leading that has brought me to this place where I now have the confidence to do something I never pictured myself doing.  I am still a tad bit nervous about leading a group on my own, but I know that God will equip me to do this because he has called me to it.  I am so excited by the things I've learned along my journey the last few years, and I am so excited to continue to learn and grow as I continue along this path God has me on! 

It's not easy being green...

I may not actually be green, but I think I can empathize a little with our old friend Kermit the Frog.  (I know, you're probably thinking 'where is she going with this?' Just bear with me).  It's difficult at times to be the "different" one amongst a group of people.  As Christians I think we can sometimes feel like the "odd man out", at least I do at times.  As I have grown in my faith, I have begun to realize that that is exactly the life God has called us to; to be different.  He wants people to look at us and wonder what it is that makes us so different from themselves, and that difference should be His love shining through us!  I've found as I embark on this journey to Uganda that many people who don't necessarily share my faith, or beliefs look at me and wonder 'why in the world are you going to Africa?'.  I've actually had a few people say something like "Why are you going to Africa to take care of orphans when there are plenty of kids in need here in America?".  I've caught myself feeling almost offended and hurt when people ask this.  It's true...there are lots of orphans and children in need right here in the U.S., but I feel my calling is, at least for this moment in time, to Uganda.  Not everyone is willing to go to a far away land to care for orphans, but I am.  It is where God has called me, so I will go there. 

I have also been feeling a little "odd" lately from my desire to adopt overseas someday, and maybe sooner rather than later.  A lot of people, including some of my family, just don't understand the heart I have for adoption and how deeply rooted that desire is in my heart.  I know God has placed this desire in my heart for a reason, so I will faithfully continue to prayerfully pursue it in His timing. 

I've begun to realize that some people will never understand my heart, and that's okay.  I just have to continue to follow God's calling, even if it means I am going against the grain a bit.  Is being the "different one" hard at times?  Of course!  But God hasn't called us to an easy life, He's called us to a life of struggles, but also a more abundant life.  (James 1:2-3, John 10:10).  And so, while it may not always be easy "being green", I will continue on this path and look forward to a life lived to the full!!

Don't be Discouraged...

I've been struggling the last couple days feeling just a bit discouraged.  I'm so excited about this trip, but sometimes I feel like other people just don't understand it at all.  I know I have quite a few people who are totally supportive of me and this adventure I'm going on, but sometimes I feel like there are more people who really don't care or support it.  I've been a little discouraged about my fundraising efforts as well.  I know this is God ordained and that I just need to trust that HE will provide, but I'm struggling a bit when week after week I check my funraising site and there's not even a dollar more.  This trip is so important to me and I would love for the people I care about to get just as excited about it as I am, but I realize that may not be the case.  I also realized it shouldn't matter what other people think, that if God has called me to this, that's all that matters!  I remembered this verse this evening as I was feeling a little discouraged about all this.  "Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10 (NLT)  Right there in black and white He says "Don't be discouraged...I will help you"!!  How human I am that at the slightest little trial I become discouraged and lack faith!  Of course God is going to help me through this!  He called me on this trip, He will make it happen!  I keep hearing the words of a co-worker "If He calls you, He will equip you!"  So true!  I'm just reminded how human I am and how trusting God is a daily, even minute by minute step of faith!  It reminds of an amazing book I just read, "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers.  (If you haven't read it, do it...Now!!)  It's a novel somewhat based on the story of Hosea and Gomer.  I won't go too much into the details in case you haven't read it (which you will), but it is an amazing picture of God's unfailing, unrelenting, love for us even when we are the most undeserving of it!  It's a good thing He's so forgiving and understanding of me even when I become discouraged and forget to trust!  I know He is going to provide and that I just need to trust Him with all of this!  He'll take care of it!  I just have to remind myself of that everyday!!  And just keep saying "Don't be discouraged!  Don't be discouraged!  Don't be discouraged!"  

The "Joys" of Fundraising.

There are things in life I don't think anyone enjoys.  One of those things I think may be fundraising.  I know I don't enjoy it.  My trip to Uganda has a total cost of about $3500.  I know that God has ordained this trip for me so I know He will provide the funds for me to go.  Here's the tricky part in that though...what is MY part in that?  I realized that chances are God is not going to just drop that money in my lap, although I do realize miracles are possible and it could happen, but I'm not going to count on that.  So, that comes back to the original question of "what's my part?".  I have really been praying about it and trying to come up with ways I can fundraise without having to resort to the old fashioned sponsorship letters.  I have decided to try to sell some of the Acacia Necklaces that some of the women and children from Uganda actually hand make as a means of supporting themselves.  I'm not a great salesman though, so I am not real sure how successful I'll be at that.  I have also decided to tell some gold, as cheesy as that may seem.  I have several pieces of old yellow gold jewelry that I got when I was much younger and it simply sits in my closet in the boxes and collects dust.  I will never wear it again because I just don't like yellow gold anymore, so I decided if I was ever going to sell it for money it would be for a good cause.  Well, I think I've found my good cause.  I also decided to create a facebook page to sort of share my journey and tell people how to donate to my trip if they are interested.  I realize God can and will provide, so I am just trusting that he will give me wisdom when it comes to fundraising and provide the funds for this trip.  God is good!  I know he'll make this happen!

Here's a link to my facebook page.