Pendant love!!

I have really been liking the website Etsy lately, and have found such cute stuff.  I found the cutest handmade, sterling silver pendants that had my heart all over it!  Just thought I'd share!!  I love them!

 

 

 

Here is my awesome new Pendant!  The heart is over UGANDA!!

 

 

This is the back.  Engraved for when my trip takes place!  I have a feeling those two weeks will change my life forever!!

 

The seller even sent an ankelet/bracelet as a gift!!  They are both so cute!!  Now I can show off my love for Africa even more!!

 

 

 

 

 

Baby steps....

Yesterday was sort of a big day for me.  I went to an informational meeting at Bethany Christian Services, which for those that don't know, is one of the largest and most experienced adoption agency's in the U.S.  Adoption is something I've know I wanted to do since I was young, and for a long time I had sort of "put it in a box" so to speak thinking that it would just have to happen "someday" when I'm married.  In the last year or so my thinking has really changed.  God has opened my eyes and heart to the option of pursuing adoption as a single woman.  I have been praying about it for some time now, and am still really praying and seeking his leading, but after this meeting yesterday I have decided to take a baby step toward pursuing adoption on my own.  The meeting was so informative and made me feel so much more confident in pursuing something like this as a single woman, knowing that I will have an adoption specialist right there with me along the entire journey holding my hand and guiding me!  So, after yesterdays informational session I have decided to submit a preliminary application for an international adoption.  It's just a little baby step.  Basically the preliminary application is just you, submitting your "official" interest in learning more, and perhaps going down the adoption road.  There is no commitment involved, and no financial aspect to the preliminary application.  It is, however, a way for me to see if this is even a viable option for me and if I'd even be approved to start the process.  While it is just a baby step, it's still a really big step for me too!  For quite awhile I've been a little unsure how "on board" my family would be if I decided to do this.  I talked to my parents last night, and while they have some concerns (like any parent would) they are completely on board and supportive of me doing this!  I know I shouldn't be surprised at all because I have been blessed with amazing parents that have never been anything but supportive of me!  I realize that this won't be easy.  There will be people in my life, friends, maybe even family, that will think I'm crazy or think I'm doing the wrong thing; people who may wonder why I would chose international adoption; and people who won't agree at all with me choosing to become a single mom.  And, unfortunately, I also realize I may even lose a few "friends" over this, but I also know the people who choose to stay by me and support me are the ones I can truly call friends anyway!  Even since I have been planning this trip and start talking and thinking about the idea of adoption on my own more I have noticed some change in how some people react to me.  And that's ok.  I say I will be pursuing this adoption on "my own", but I realize that I will not be alone at all!  I will have my family, true there through the grit of life friends, and most importantly my Amazing God right there with me along the way!  I am excited to see where God takes me on this journey!!  I know it may be a very long one, with lots of curves and bumps along the way, but I am ready for the journey!!  One little baby step at a time!!

 

 

This desire is REAL!!

I read this blog yesterday.  Jen Hatmaker - The Truth About Adoption: One Year Later  It is such an amazingly honest look at what adoption is really like!  Some may read this and think that a single woman who may have been contemplating adoption on her own would read this and seriously reconsider whether adopting is something a single woman should do.  I read this and it only confirmed my desire to pursue this!  She talks about the different stages that a family goes through during the first year after adoption, and all the ups and downs...many more downs than a lot of people might think, but the rewards and blessings that God brings to those who trust in Him through the process are totally worth all those hard moments.  I have no illusions that adopting on my own would be an easy process or something that would happen tomorrow.  There are a LOT of things that would have to "fall" into place in order for it to even be possible for me.  Some of the most obvious things that I would have to overcome are the financial aspects, childcare when I work, and just becoming a single mom.  God has actually blessed me recently with a new job that will possibly allow me to be home more and be a little more realistic for even the early stages of researching and pursuing the early stages of adoption.  I got a job on the St. Vincent NICU/Pediatric transport team.  It will be one 24hr shift and one 12hr shift a week, and it's more on day shift than nights!  Maybe my body will actually start so sort of feel what it's like to be a little more "normal".  Adoption is not something I'm jumping into right away, or taking lightly at all!  I am praying about it, educating myself, and trying to start networking a little bit with other single adoptive moms/and families.  I'm hoping my friends and family will be supportive and understanding as I seek God's leading and will for my life.  I know this trip to Uganda will change me and may lead to something more, but I'm also trying to to have any unrealistic expectations for the trip either.  I'm just trying to pray and seek God's leading.  His plan is what I want and what is best!  All I know, is this desire he's given me to adopt is REAL!!

God loves ME!

My life group met again tonight!  What an awesome group of girls!  I'm so grateful that God has brought us together!  We had more great discussion tonight on the topic of God's love for us, his children!  One of the passages of scripture some of the discussion was on was Romans 8:31-39.  Here it is: 

"What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died —more than that, who was raised to life —is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

How amazing is that passage?!?  There are so many things in those few verses that are just so amazing!  "we are more than conquerors"!!  We can overcome everything with Our Lord!  Boy have I learned that in the last few weeks!!  God's provision for this trip to Uganda has been amazing!  This trip would NOT be happening if it weren't for God and Him providing!  "If God is for us, who can be against us?"  No one can be against us when God is on our side!!  But the best part..."that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  NOTHING can separate us from the love of God!!  Not other people, not circumstances, not satan, nothing!  Not even ourselves and our own doubts or the distractions we allow in our lives!!  God's love for us is real, and unrelenting!!  He pursues us like a groom pursues his bride!  As a single woman, that is so relevant for me!  It's humbling to think of being pursued by the Most High, the Creator of the Universe!!  He loves ME and wants a real, deep, intimate relationship with ME!!  Thank you Lord for loving imperfect, dirty, sinful ME!!  I am so unworthy, but I accept it with open arms!!

P.S.  I got my flight confirmation and plane ticket information for Uganda in an email tonight!!  Just more proof of God's amazing love and provision for me!!  I am sooo excited!!

Making History...

Those that know me really well, namely my family, know that I have a love for the Little League World Series.  I know...it probably seems strange, but ever since I saw the first world series game when I was a teenager, I have loved watching it every year!  The enthusiasm and joy those kids have for playing baseball is just so fun to watch!!  Baseball is sort of an All-American game, but in the Little League World Series, it truly is World wide!  There are 8 international teams that compete every year, and the final game is the winner of the International bracket versus the winner from the U.S. bracket.  Every year it is so fun to see these kids from opposites sides of the world come together in little Williamsport, Pennsylvania and play a game they all love.  They all have incredible sportsmanship and the kids can speak completely different languages, but they still have so much fun together and don't let a little thing like different languages keep them from forming incredible friendships.  Every year I look forward to August and watching the LLWS, but this year has been even more exciting.  For the first time in the 66 year history of the LLWS a team from Africa is playing, and that team just happens to be from Uganda!!  It is so heartwarming to see these kids who come from poverty and such hardship be able to come here to the U.S. to play a game they love!!  I was watching a little news story about the kids from Uganda earlier this evening and got a little teary watching.  Those kids are just so grateful for this opportunity and are having so much fun it's inspiring to see them there making history!  They played their first practice without cleats, despite being given shiny new uniforms and equipment to use and play in, because they are used to playing in Uganda without any shoes!  They came only with their coaches because many of them come from single parent families, and some are even orphans, but the fans in Williamsport have totally embraced the kids from Uganda as their own!  Its so awesome to see people come to support these kids just as much as they would their own teams.  Unfortunately, the team from Uganda was eliminated from the tournament today, but those kids played their hearts out, and everyone made them feel like winners!  They are winners just for making it to Williamsport and making history as the first team from Africa!  It just shows how much heart and joy kids in Uganda have!  It makes me even more excited to go meet some of those amazing kiddos!!  And who knows...maybe I'll even get to play some ball with them!! 

It's so real!!!

It's getting really real now!!!  I AM GOING TO UGANDA!!  I am so excited!!  In 56 days I'll be boarding a plane and leaving on a very long flight to go see those precious kiddos!!  I feel so blessed to have this opportunity!!  How blessed am I that I get to go spend 2 weeks loving on some wonderful kids that deserve it so much!!  I can't wait!!  Just had to share my excitement!! :)

A dream...

I have no idea if this means anything or if it is just a normal dream, but it was a little too detailed to not write down. 

I had a dream last night that I met a little girl in Uganda named Mary.  I fell in love with her!  She was the most adorable little girl and loved to cuddle!  I can still see her sweet little face!  In my dream I was actually planning a trip to return to Uganda to bring Mary home as my daughter.  Some of my family were very hesitant, and some not happy at all, but I knew Mary was mine and it was all part of the bigger plan God had in store.

  I have no idea if any of this means anything, but I had to write it down just in case.  God works in mysterious ways sometimes, so who knows what this dream could mean.  I do know God has a lot in store for me with this trip and beyond and I can't wait to discover what that is!!

Jehovah Jireh!!

I am by no means a theologian, but I have been in church and heard enough sermons and studies that I do remember learning about some of the different Jehovah names of God.  Jehovah Nissi-The Lord My Banner.  Jehovah Rapha-The Lord that Heals.  Jehovah Shalom-The Lord is Peace,  Jehovah Jireh-The Lord Will Provide.  I now have a much deeper understanding of that last on: Jehovah Jireh!  The Lord Will Provide!!  It's true that God has always provided for me in my life, I've never really been without anything I truly needed, but I had never really experienced the kind of Provision I have in the last few days or completely understood the full meaning of Jehovah Jireh.  As of this past Friday (today is Monday) I was a little over $700 short from being able to make my first payment of $2200 to book my flights for my trip to Uganda.  I had come to a place through prayer where I was completely at peace with whatever happened, but I was really starting to think maybe this trip wasn't going to happen.  I never really gave up hope, but I was ready to accept it if it didn't work out.   I knew that His plan was best!  I laid it all in God's hands and I knew that if it was truly His will for me to go on this trip He would have to provide...And PROVIDE HE DID!!! Thanks to some generous contributions from my amazing friends and family I received enough donations to meet my $2200 goal today!!  I am so humbled and grateful for the amazing way God has provided and for the generous contributions of everyone!!  I AM going to Uganda!!!  I am so excited I can't stand it!  I have been excited all along, but until now I don't think it was completely real. Now that the money is there and our plane tickets are actually being purchased it's all becoming very real!!  It's hard to believe that 2 months from TODAY I will be boarding a plane to Africa!!  It's amazing how God works, and how He provides!   I know there still may be some hurdles ahead, but I know now more that ever that our amazing Jehovah Jireh will provide!!  Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has helped make this possible!!  Our God is amazing!!  I am forever grateful!!

"And he said, Lay not thy hand upon the lad, neither do thou anything unto him.  For now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son, from me.  And Abraham lifted up his eyes, and looked, and behold, behind him a ram caught in the thicket by his horns.  And Abraham went and took the ram, and offered him up for a burnt-offering instead of his son.  And Abraham called the name of that place Jehovah-jireh. As it is said to this day, In the mount of Jehovah it shall be provided." Genesis 22:14 ASB

Still holding out hope...

I was starting to feel so discouraged at the possiblity of not having the funds for my trip and not being able to go, I received an encouraging email from our trip coordinator at Visiting Orphans yesterday and I woke up just really feeling at peace about the whole thing.  The thought of not going was really starting to make me really sad, and if it doesn't happen I still will be sad, but I feel much more at peace about it either way!  I know whatever happens it's all in God's hands, but I am still really holding out hope that in just 62 days I will be leaving to go to Uganda and love on some amazing kiddos!! 

"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."  Psalm 42:5

Enough...

Enough...that word has been being used in my head the last 24 hours in multiple ways.  At work last night a couple of my coworkers were questioning me as to why I didn't just pick up some extra shifts to help pay for this trip.  That of course planted a small seed of doubt and made me wonder...what if this is all my fault and I haven't tried hard enough?  Maybe I didn't do enough to try to raise the money in time.  Maybe I didn't pray hard enough.  I don't know.  Then yesterday I was given another financial blow, I won't go into details, but I just kept thinking "Enough!!  I can't take anymore!!  I have had enough!!"  Then this morning on my way home from work I heard this song for the first time ever and it had tears streaming down my face...

Here are a couple lines from the song that really stuck out to me:

This time your heart said it's had enough
Sick and tired of everything that's so messed up

And don't give up
And the dark is breaking in today
And just keep on moving through these storms

These walls around you are caving in
And your life seems like it is wearing thin
And your hope is drowning in despair
It looks like you're not going anywhere
Step inside this heart and then you'll see
Such a love that is so amazing

It does sort of seem like the walls are caving in, but I have to just keep running to the One who can rescue me and pick me up and love me in a way I can never fully understand.  It's not east when things keep piling up, but I am going to do my best to keep turning to Him.  He's the only one who can help me through it!!

Surrender...

Surrendering everything, I think, is one of the most difficult things to do in the Christian walk. As humans we want to have at least a small part in controlling the outcome of our lives and the things we do, but when you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior you are giving up that control to the One who knows all, and has an ultimate plan for our lives. This week has been a reminder over and over again, culminating tonight at my small group. The calling and burden on my heart for the children of Africa and specifically Uganda is undeniably placed there by God. What I have had to learn to let go of and surrender completely to God is this mission trip to Uganda. I am still about $900 away from my first goal payment of $2200 that is due a week from today (8/6). For the past week, and probably longer if I really think about it, I have been worrying and stressing over raising the funds for this trip and whether it was truly God's will for me to go or not. My small group that I've been led to lead is studying through Francis Chan's book "Crazy Love" and tonight part of our discussion centered around stress and anxiety and how they can be a huge distraction and even become a sin if we let them take us away from what God wants us to focus on: Him and Him alone! One of the key verses we discussed was the passage in Matthew 6:25-34 where Jesus is talking about worry. The key verse that seemed to be directly at me tonight was Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.". Right there in the middle of our discussion, it hit me how much I've been holding onto this trip and letting my worry and anxiety take my focus off of just simply glorifying God and letting Him be in total control. The girls in my group let me share my struggle and what I'm facing with this trip and were able to help me see that I just have to surrender it and all my anxiety about it over to God and let Him control what happens. I had this idea in my head that if I don't raise the money on time and am unable to go on this trip that it means I won't ever be able to go and that I was wrong in thinking it was God's will for me to go. I had this thinking that if I don't go on this October trip to Uganda it meant that the burden on my heart for the children there was all just me misreading everything and I was wrong in trying to go. What the amazing girls in my group helped me understand tonight is that even if I am unable to go on this particular trip, that doesn't mean it's not God's will or that I won't ever go. They helped me see that this burden on my heart is absolutely God given and even if I don't go in October, God may have me going at a different time, or doing something completely different here in the U.S. as a way to help those children and in order to glorify him the way he is preparing me to do. They also reiterated that this trip may still be part of God's plan for me and He just wants me to completely trust Him to provide. I am so grateful for those girls and the way they let me share a little of my heart tonight and embraced me with encouraging words. I know that as hard as it is for me to just sit back and completely surrender this to God, and realize the possibility that I may not go on this trip, no matter what happens, God has a bigger plan! So...I SURRENDER, LORD! I SURRENDER!!

Sharing my heart....

Ok...tears are streaming down my face as I write this...I'm being vulnerable, but writing has always been almost cathartic for me so here I am putting my feelings to words.  God has placed this amazing desire and burden on my heart for orphans, adoption, and now Africa.  In May God led me to Visiting Orphans and this trip to Uganda.  Tonight my heart is breaking, but I'm not sure why.  I know I shouldn't let fear in, but I can't help but feel a little fearful that this trip may not happen.  I know a lot of it is because of the funding, and I want to have faith that God is going to provide, but I have an uneasiness in my heart that I can't explain.  I still have $1400 to raise for my first payment in 10 days.  I don't know if this uneasiness is God telling me this trip isn't His will, or if He's trying to tell me something else.  All I know is I think there is a piece of my heart in Africa already, even though I have yet set foot there, and for whatever reason that part of my heart is really being tugged on tonight.  I want nothing more than to be able to go see those children and be able to show them the kind of love they all deserve!  The only thing I think I could possibly want a little more is to be mother.  I have so much love in my heart to give and I want to share that with a child so badly I can hardly stand it.  I've started doing a little more research on adoption and spent part of my evening last night looking at some websites of some of the orphanages we will be visiting in Uganda, and my heart completely broke for those children.  Every single one of their sweet faces tugged on my heart strings.  It's becoming clear to me that God is tugging on my heart for a reason, but I'm still not sure why.  I know in time God will reveal to me what it is He is has in store, but until then I continue to feel a little uneasy.  I want to do so much more than what I'm doing in my life right now.  I know there is so much more I could be doing with my life, but I have other responsibilities in my life that I can't just drop everything without neglecting some of that.  I just really want to be doing what God wants me to be doing, but I don't know what that is!  This burden on my heart is there for a reason, I know it is!!  I know the desires in my heart are there for a reason!!  I guess I just keep seeking Him and praying for his timing for everything.  I want to ask you to come with me on this journey and pray for God's leading on my life.  I can't do this without the love and support of my friends and family!  Thank you!!