Ok...tears are streaming down my face as I write this...I'm being vulnerable, but writing has always been almost cathartic for me so here I am putting my feelings to words. God has placed this amazing desire and burden on my heart for orphans, adoption, and now Africa. In May God led me to Visiting Orphans and this trip to Uganda. Tonight my heart is breaking, but I'm not sure why. I know I shouldn't let fear in, but I can't help but feel a little fearful that this trip may not happen. I know a lot of it is because of the funding, and I want to have faith that God is going to provide, but I have an uneasiness in my heart that I can't explain. I still have $1400 to raise for my first payment in 10 days. I don't know if this uneasiness is God telling me this trip isn't His will, or if He's trying to tell me something else. All I know is I think there is a piece of my heart in Africa already, even though I have yet set foot there, and for whatever reason that part of my heart is really being tugged on tonight. I want nothing more than to be able to go see those children and be able to show them the kind of love they all deserve! The only thing I think I could possibly want a little more is to be mother. I have so much love in my heart to give and I want to share that with a child so badly I can hardly stand it. I've started doing a little more research on adoption and spent part of my evening last night looking at some websites of some of the orphanages we will be visiting in Uganda, and my heart completely broke for those children. Every single one of their sweet faces tugged on my heart strings. It's becoming clear to me that God is tugging on my heart for a reason, but I'm still not sure why. I know in time God will reveal to me what it is He is has in store, but until then I continue to feel a little uneasy. I want to do so much more than what I'm doing in my life right now. I know there is so much more I could be doing with my life, but I have other responsibilities in my life that I can't just drop everything without neglecting some of that. I just really want to be doing what God wants me to be doing, but I don't know what that is! This burden on my heart is there for a reason, I know it is!! I know the desires in my heart are there for a reason!! I guess I just keep seeking Him and praying for his timing for everything. I want to ask you to come with me on this journey and pray for God's leading on my life. I can't do this without the love and support of my friends and family! Thank you!!
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