Surrender...

Surrendering everything, I think, is one of the most difficult things to do in the Christian walk. As humans we want to have at least a small part in controlling the outcome of our lives and the things we do, but when you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior you are giving up that control to the One who knows all, and has an ultimate plan for our lives. This week has been a reminder over and over again, culminating tonight at my small group. The calling and burden on my heart for the children of Africa and specifically Uganda is undeniably placed there by God. What I have had to learn to let go of and surrender completely to God is this mission trip to Uganda. I am still about $900 away from my first goal payment of $2200 that is due a week from today (8/6). For the past week, and probably longer if I really think about it, I have been worrying and stressing over raising the funds for this trip and whether it was truly God's will for me to go or not. My small group that I've been led to lead is studying through Francis Chan's book "Crazy Love" and tonight part of our discussion centered around stress and anxiety and how they can be a huge distraction and even become a sin if we let them take us away from what God wants us to focus on: Him and Him alone! One of the key verses we discussed was the passage in Matthew 6:25-34 where Jesus is talking about worry. The key verse that seemed to be directly at me tonight was Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.". Right there in the middle of our discussion, it hit me how much I've been holding onto this trip and letting my worry and anxiety take my focus off of just simply glorifying God and letting Him be in total control. The girls in my group let me share my struggle and what I'm facing with this trip and were able to help me see that I just have to surrender it and all my anxiety about it over to God and let Him control what happens. I had this idea in my head that if I don't raise the money on time and am unable to go on this trip that it means I won't ever be able to go and that I was wrong in thinking it was God's will for me to go. I had this thinking that if I don't go on this October trip to Uganda it meant that the burden on my heart for the children there was all just me misreading everything and I was wrong in trying to go. What the amazing girls in my group helped me understand tonight is that even if I am unable to go on this particular trip, that doesn't mean it's not God's will or that I won't ever go. They helped me see that this burden on my heart is absolutely God given and even if I don't go in October, God may have me going at a different time, or doing something completely different here in the U.S. as a way to help those children and in order to glorify him the way he is preparing me to do. They also reiterated that this trip may still be part of God's plan for me and He just wants me to completely trust Him to provide. I am so grateful for those girls and the way they let me share a little of my heart tonight and embraced me with encouraging words. I know that as hard as it is for me to just sit back and completely surrender this to God, and realize the possibility that I may not go on this trip, no matter what happens, God has a bigger plan! So...I SURRENDER, LORD! I SURRENDER!!