Friends are awesome!

Aren't friends awesome!  And I don't mean just your everyday, run of the mill acquaintence type friends...they're great too, but I'm talking about the 'there through thick and thin, tell you when you're being an idiot, let you cry and complain about silly stuff and listen intently all the while, call at 2am if you need them, get each other without saying a word' friends!!  I am blessed in my life to have a few of these awesome friends and a couple of them just happen to be family too!  The last couple weeks I had really been struggling trying to figure out if this trip is really part of God's will for me and wondering where the funds would come from if it is, and once again my awesome friends came to the rescue!  I am so grateful for those friends!!  After talking to a couple of them this week I have realized I have been focusing on the wrong thing!  My worrying about this trip and raising funds provided that sneaky devil a tiny little opening to plant a seed of doubt and once it started to bloom it just continued to eat away at my faith and trust.  Thanks to a little heart to heart with a couple of my dear friends they helped me see what was happening and I know without a shadow of a doubt that this trip is God's will for me!  I still may not know where the funds will come from, but I'm not worried!  I have full faith that God will provide! 

Boasting in my weakness!!

I am weak!  Oh boy am I ever weak!!  I'll say it again...I AM WEAK!!  I try daily to put my full trust and faith in God and his plans for my life, but I fail so often.  I'm so glad Heaven and God's Grace are not based on single elimination because I would have been out a very long time ago!!  I want to do God's will for my life, but sometimes I really struggle with how to know what that is.  If God could just send a letter in the mail, or write it in the sky, or speak in an audible voice it would be so much easier!  However, that's not really the case, these days anyway, so we must rely on other methods of knowing God's Will for our lives.  I have not mastered those methods yet.  I have been struggling the last few days wondering if I misread something.  My trip to Uganda is something I was sure was in God's will for me!  I've started having second thoughts though....not about actually going, but that maybe it wasn't part of His will after all.  The financial piece is not coming together for me like I thought it would.  Am I not trusting enough, or am I just not supposed to go?  I don't know!  I still really believe God called me to this trip, but how do I know for sure?  I have the Jesus Calling app (based on the book by Sarah Young) and the title of yesterdays was "Do Not Worry About Tomorrow!".  Here is an excerpt that really spoke to me: "Anxious thoughts meander about and crisscross in your brain, but trusting Me brings you directly into My Presence.  As you thus affirm your faith, shackles of worry fall off instantly.  Enjoy My Presence continually by trusting Me at all times."  I realized that by worrying about the financial aspect of this trip and worrying about it not being part of God's will that I am taking my focus off what really matters!  If God really has called me to this trip (and I still really believe He has), He WILL provide the funds for me to get there!  I just have to trust Him!  One of the verses at the end of the devotion was 2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."  So...here I am boasting in my weakness!  How easily I become distracted and lack faith.  How easily I forget about the power of my God!  He can move mountains!!  Of course he can provide funds for this trip!!  So boast I will!  In His power I WILL go to Uganda!!

Like a Child...

I've been thinking a lot about kids lately, for several reasons, but among them my upcoming trip to Uganda and my desire to adopt someday.  Children have such an innocence and pure joy about them!  They are completely trusting and love so unconditionally.  I wish at times I could have that pure joy and total trust that children have.  I get a daily Bible verse sent to my phone everyday and today's verses were Matthew 18:1-4.  This is the passage where Jesus talks to the disciples about coming to Him as a child.  "At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, 'Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?' He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: 'Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.'"  I read those verses and was reminded of a Jars of Clay song called Like A Child .  Here are the lyrics to the song:

Dear God, surround me as I speak,
the bridges that I walk across are weak
Frustrations fill the void that I can't solely bear
Dear God, don't let me fall apart,
you've held me close to you
I have turned away and searched for answers I can't understand

[Chorus:]

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them crashing into the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe
with faith like a child

Sometimes, when I feel miles away
and my eyes can't see your face
I wonder if I've grown to lose the recklessness
I walked in light of you

[Chorus]

[Little girl:]
"I've got joy like a fountain!"
"Be kind one to others"
"In Jesus Christ Your son"

They say that love can heal the broken
They say that hope can make you see
They say that faith can find a Savior
If you would follow and believe
with faith like a child

There are so many things happening in my life, exciting things that I never thought I would do or be possible.  My prayer is that as I pursue these things and follow God's plan I will have faith like a child!!

Learning as I go...

I am so far from perfect!  But, I am learning as I go.  I have realized recently how much I've grown in the last few years, and I'm so grateful for the journey God has taken me on.  I think sometimes when you are raised in a Christian home and have grown up in church you can easily fall in to a pattern of mediocrity or almost begin to take your faith for granted.  I admit that there have definitely been times along my walk when I have fallen into those patterns.  I would love to say that that will never happen again, but I realized I am human and will most definitely face times in my future when things may not be as exciting or easy as they are now.  In the past few years, and especially the last few months, I've learned more and more what it really means to completely surrender to God and His will.  I've really learned how when you truely seek Him and let God guide you.  He can do amazing things in your life and the lives of those around you.  The lead pastor at my church challenged us a few weeks ago to take 30 days and pray for the people in our lives that may not be the easiest people to get along with, or that you may even consider an "enemy".  He said even if those people may or may not necessarily be changed as a result, if we would allow God to work through us and those prayers that our hearts would be changed.  While I admit I probably haven't been completely consistent with the 30 days part, I have been praying for these people whenever I know I may encounter them or when God places them on my heart, and the results have been quite humbling!  I have found that God has really softened my heart and opened my eyes to see these people through His eyes and not my own.  I've also noticed a difference in how these people have been reacting to me, and beginning to possibly soften their hearts some.  I've discovered that even when I may find it difficult to love someone myself, if I pray and ask God to love them through me, He can and does show through me.  The fact that God can use me, and work through me and my heart to begin to soften the heart of someone else is so incredibly amazing to me!  I am just an ordinary girl!!  Who am I that God would choose me to do some of His Kingdom work.  In preparation for this trip to Uganda I am humbled to think that God will use me to show His love to some of these precious orphans.  I cannot wait to get to love on those Children and see those smiling faces in person!  I know that God is going to teach me so much more through them, than I will probably teach them.  I look forward to learning more about Him and His love through this trip.  Another thing I've learned first hand recently is how God can use me to do things I never thought possible on my own.  This coming Sunday is the launch for the Life Group I will be leading through my church and I am still a little shocked that I am even doing this!  But, I know it's all God's calling and leading that has brought me to this place where I now have the confidence to do something I never pictured myself doing.  I am still a tad bit nervous about leading a group on my own, but I know that God will equip me to do this because he has called me to it.  I am so excited by the things I've learned along my journey the last few years, and I am so excited to continue to learn and grow as I continue along this path God has me on! 

It's not easy being green...

I may not actually be green, but I think I can empathize a little with our old friend Kermit the Frog.  (I know, you're probably thinking 'where is she going with this?' Just bear with me).  It's difficult at times to be the "different" one amongst a group of people.  As Christians I think we can sometimes feel like the "odd man out", at least I do at times.  As I have grown in my faith, I have begun to realize that that is exactly the life God has called us to; to be different.  He wants people to look at us and wonder what it is that makes us so different from themselves, and that difference should be His love shining through us!  I've found as I embark on this journey to Uganda that many people who don't necessarily share my faith, or beliefs look at me and wonder 'why in the world are you going to Africa?'.  I've actually had a few people say something like "Why are you going to Africa to take care of orphans when there are plenty of kids in need here in America?".  I've caught myself feeling almost offended and hurt when people ask this.  It's true...there are lots of orphans and children in need right here in the U.S., but I feel my calling is, at least for this moment in time, to Uganda.  Not everyone is willing to go to a far away land to care for orphans, but I am.  It is where God has called me, so I will go there. 

I have also been feeling a little "odd" lately from my desire to adopt overseas someday, and maybe sooner rather than later.  A lot of people, including some of my family, just don't understand the heart I have for adoption and how deeply rooted that desire is in my heart.  I know God has placed this desire in my heart for a reason, so I will faithfully continue to prayerfully pursue it in His timing. 

I've begun to realize that some people will never understand my heart, and that's okay.  I just have to continue to follow God's calling, even if it means I am going against the grain a bit.  Is being the "different one" hard at times?  Of course!  But God hasn't called us to an easy life, He's called us to a life of struggles, but also a more abundant life.  (James 1:2-3, John 10:10).  And so, while it may not always be easy "being green", I will continue on this path and look forward to a life lived to the full!!