Being Real...

Ok, I hope you don't mind, but I'm just going to be real for a few minutes.  I'm struggling...really struggling.  I have been looking forward to my trip to Uganda for so many months now, and now that it's only about two and a half weeks away, I'm feeling like it's not really going to happen.  I've been having some health problems that are really bothersome.  It's not really anything that prevents me from functioning or being able to live life, but it's really annoying and uncomfortable.  I'm really struggling with just feeling a little defeated and discouraged.  I am trying to stay positive, but have had several imaging studies done and the doctor has thrown around the word "mass" a couple times, so being a nurse that sends my mind into a tailspin of what if's and thinking the worst.  Usually the word mass doesn't signify good things.  I know deep down that God has all of this in His control, and that I don't have anything to worry about, but my human mind is having trouble wrapping my brain around that.  I realize too, that a lot of this is probaby satan attacking me...and I am definitely feeling attacked.  I don't want to let him win, so I'm trying really hard to remember God is in control, but I'm still struggling.  I know some may read this and think "oh she's not being strong enough, or she's not having enough faith."  Some may think I'm not a very good Christian for admitting this.  But, I'm human...I'm not going to try and pretent that I don't have struggles, and that I don't have times where my faith falters.  I am human, I'm not going to be perfect, and I'm never going to be a perfect Christian.  I am just not the kind of person who is going to put on a happy face and pretend that everything is fine, and that I'm a perfect person when I'm clearly not!  I am really trying to trust God, and have faith that this is all going to be fine and work out.  I know God hasn't provided the finances and desire for me to go on this trip for me to end up not being able to go.  Although if that's what happens, I know that is His will too.  I'm going to ask for prayer...for my team, for me and that this will all subside or I will at least get some answers, and for the trip.  I am grateful for my friends and family that have been so supportive...so thank you!!