My heart breaks...

My heart breaks a little more every day.  I know in life there are always periods where God closes doors and opens new ones. Lately it has felt like a lot of doors are slamming in my face and very few, if any, are opening. The job I was so excited about a few months ago is not working out at all and I have decided to pursue other avenues after God has made it very clear that this job is not for me. So...i already have a final day there, but no new job lined up yet. I am praying and trusting God will open a door, but still very nervous about the thought of being unemployed for any length of time! There are other things I thought I was so close to being able to jump into full force and now those doors seems to be closing too. Several of my team members from my Uganda trip already have awesome plans made to return to Uganda in the next few months, and while I am so very happy for all of them, I am also selfishly a little jealous and wish I could be going back too. I thought maybe that this whole job situation could be a door opening for me to be able to return to Uganda, but it just seems to be becoming more and more clear that it is not going to even be a possibility for quite some time. My heart breaks a little more everyday knowing what all of this means and it is even more difficult knowing I can't really even talk about the biggest thing that is breaking my heart! To be in love with people and a country so far away and know that it is truly where you want to be right now, but know that there is no possible way you can be there is so incredibly hard!! I start to wonder why I have this heart for this place that I want to be so badly, if those doors continue to close. It is so hard to understand! Oh how I wish I could just pour all my heart out to someone, a real person, who would understand, but I don't really even know who that would be. I just continue to pour out to Him and pray that He will guide me and mend this broken heart! He is the only one who can!!