Faithful...

As Christians sometimes I think it can be easy to say things because they seem like the right thing to say or because it is what we should say, but deep down do we really mean it?  Something I know I've said at times with sort of a grain of salt is "I know God is faithful" but as hard as it is to admit there were times I really wondered and had doubts that He truly would be in that situation.  As my relationship with the Lord has grown, my trust in His faithfulness has grown also, but at times I still have doubts. I think that is one way, at least in my own life, the enemy really sneaks in does his damage. He plants that seed of doubt and then our own human nature and insecurities take over and that doubt just continues to grow.  These past few weeks have been rather trying for me on a personal level. I haven't suffered anything traumatic or completely life altering, but I have been having some issues with my health.  I won't go into details but my symptoms have been somewhat vague, yet bad enough that I have now missed two and a half weeks of work.  The doctors I have been seeing are sort of at a loss as to what is going on.  I have had numerous blood tests, scans, and x-rays over the past couple weeks with everything coming back "unremarkable".  To say that I have been frustrated would be an understatement!  I have spent the majority of the past couple weeks on my couch, which may sound nice, but it gets old real quick.  I just want to feel "normal" again.  I have prayed over and over with every doctor appointment or test that God would provide some answers, but none have come.  I was beginning to feel completely at a loss and that God was feeling more and more absent in my situation.  I just didn't understand why I am dealing with this and even more why I haven't been getting any answers. I was really beginning to question God's faithfulness in this situation.  But then, as God so often does in His perfect Divine timing, He reminded me of his faithfulness through a song that I had never heard before called "Faithful" by the band Hawk Nelson (If you haven't heard it go listen to it!).  It seemed as though that song was being played just for me!  Here are the lyrics of the first verse and chorus:

 

You never promised me that this would be easy
I never knew that anything could be this hard
I wanna trust that You know what You're doin'
But right now, I'm just fallin' apart
It's hard to see it when I'm livin' in the moment
But Your love's still written on my heart
I get lost when I feel the wind blowin'
I gotta cling to who You are

'Cause You are good
Even when You're not understood

No matter how many skies fall down
I'm covered under the peace I've found
You're my shelter when there's nowhere else to go
No matter how many times I break
You promise always to keep me safe
You're my rescue when I'm spinning outta control
You are faithful, faithful
You are faithful, faithful

 

The lines that reminded me that God IS ALWAYS GOOD even when we don't understand went straight to my core!!  He IS FAITHFUL!!  It may not always happen when or how we would like, but God always has us in the palm of His hands and will bring us through our most trying times if we will just trust in Him!  I still don't know when I will get any answers about my health or when I will feel "normal" and be able to go back to normal activities again, but I do know and really genuinely believe now that God has a purpose for even this and that He will be faithful to bring me through it!!  Maybe the purpose is simply to teach me to trust Him more, or believe in His faithfulness more, or maybe there is an even bigger purpose.  Only He knows, but regardless, I know that He is teaching me and I am grateful for even this trying time in my life that is allowing me to grow closer to my Heavenly Father!