When following really means staying...

When you think of the word follow what do you think of?  Typically it means that you are going somewhere, or being guided somewhere.  Here is an actual definition of the word follow: "To go in the direction of; be guided by".  "To go".  That is always how I interpreted that word until the last few days...

 

Anyone who knows me, knows my heart for Uganda and how I consider it my second home, my love for the people and children there, and my desire to go back ASAP!  Over the past few months since returning from my second trip there in October, I have been praying a lot and searching for the next opportunity for me to go back.  A couple months ago an opportunity was presented to me to go work with the ministry Healing Faith, which I had the honor and privilege of working with for a day on my last trip.  (That one day was more than enough for me to fall in love with that ministry and what they do!  Learn more here).  This opportunity would be in the form of a 2-3 month internship starting in June and was exactly the kind of opportunity I had been praying about that would allow me to go serve in Uganda for longer than just a couple weeks.  I was so excited!  I began to think about how I could take time away from my job for that long and how I would raise the money to do it.  I knew it would require a lot of sacrifice, and possibly even mean quitting my job, but I was willing to do whatever it took to follow God's leading and take advantage of this amazing opportunity!  I know a lot of people may be stuck here thinking "What?  You would quit your job to go to Africa for a couple months on an unpaid internship?!?"  Yes...yes I would.  You see, over the past few months God has reminded me through His word, devotions, and sermons at church that sometimes following His will requires you sacrificing huge things in order to walk in His will, and follow His calling on your life.  I really thought and felt like perhaps that was exactly was God was asking of me!  A couple weeks ago I received the email confirming I had been accepted for the internship and I was ecstatic!  Unfortunately my excitement was short lived because reality set in...I have been in the middle of dealing with health problems, medical bills are beginning to pile up, and at times I have barely had the energy for a trip to the grocery store, let alone a two or three month stay in Africa!  How could I even think about quitting my job when I have all these medical bills, and would need to raise thousands of dollars to even think about going to Uganda?  I was crushed!  My heart broke into a million pieces even thinking about not being able to go and serve with this amazing opportunity and ministry!!  Even more heartbreaking was the thought that turning the internship down would mean I would have no idea how or when I will be able to return to Uganda!  I began to pray and really search the Word for answers and what I should do.  I just kept thinking that sometimes God asks us to take a leap of faith and then He can make huge things happen!  Couldn't this be one of those situations?  Even when I wanted to have pure faith that He could make all of this come together, He could restore my health for me to be able to go, He could provide the funds, and a way for me to leave my job, I still didn't have a sense of peace about it.  The more I prayed, and sought His will, the more I felt at peace about NOT going!  But how could that be?  Would He really want me to take the path that to me initially seemed to be less of a "leap"?  The more I wrestled with it the more confused I became.  (That wonderful human nature coming through.)  Then a couple days ago I heard the song "I Will Follow" by Chris Tomlin on the radio.  I've heard that song many, many times and always just heard the "I will follow" part, but that day I heard something totally different.  Here are the lyrics to the first part of the chorus.

 

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow you
 

Do you see that..."Where you STAY, I'll STAY!"  All this time I had been thinking that to Follow God meant I had to GO somewhere, or do something major to follow Him, but in that moment I realized that sometimes following after God means staying right where you are!  For me, right now, having the faith to STAY and trust he has me here for a reason, is a bigger leap than going back to Uganda in June for the internship.  I realized that trusting God with the uncertainty of when I will be able to return to Uganda is a huge step of faith for me and will require a lot of trust that His plans are much better than my own!  I think God has really used these last couple months to really teach me about trust and real reliance on Him.  Through faith He brought me to a place I was willing to sacrifice my job and daily life to do His will!  In the end (at least for now) I don't actually have to give up my job, but just knowing I was willing to do that is a testament to how much God has helped me grow in the last few months.  I saw a quote the other day that I loved and fits perfectly into this situation.  "Don't waste the season of life you are in now because you want the next one to come. God has a purpose for each season you are in. Trust him, and purpose to embrace this season well."  All this time I've been looking forward, thinking only about how I can get back to Uganda, when I should be embracing where God has me right now!  I know God will lead me back to Uganda in His perfect timing, but right now I will trust He has me right where He wants me, right here in Fort Wayne, Indiana, and I will do my best to follow Him by staying right where I'm at!