Patiently waiting...or trying to at least!!

I’ve been licensed now for about a week and a half and I’ve gotten referrals/calls for somewhere around 15 different placements. Unfortunately I’ve had to say no to all of them, but one.  

I got a call this past Friday for a little one that I finally felt confident saying yes to without any hesitation! I was so excited! I started getting things ready and did a little shopping for a few outfits and essentials with my mom Friday evening. I spent the weekend praying for that little one and preparing myself to love them and protect them for however long I would have them. Then on Monday I found out I wasn’t getting the little one after all because they placed them with a different family. I was really disappointed and a little confused about why I didn’t get them after I said yes, but my agency and a few friends said unfortunately this isn’t uncommon because the DCS case managers will call multiple people and agencies and will often just place with whomever says yes first. It still didn’t take away the sting of it, but I’m trying to trust that God has another kiddo He wants with me in His timing, and that that little one is with the family they need to be with. 

It’s so hard to wait and have to say no to so many placements. Some of them have been outside of the parameters that i am licensed for. However, there have been several kiddos I wished so badly I could say yes to, but either I didn’t have the right number/type of beds, or they were just not going to be a good fit for me starting out as a new foster mom. I feel so guilty for that, like I’m a horrible person for saying no so many times. It breaks my heart every time I have to do it. I try to say a quick prayer for each kiddo or kiddos that I do get a referral for and that God will put them in the perfect home. However, it still isn’t easy, but I am so committed to this and trying to be the best possible parent I possibly can be for whatever kiddo God wants to place with me that I know I cannot take this lightly. If I say yes to a kiddo that has more needs than I can deal with or handle by myself as a single mom I won’t be doing them or I any favors! Ultimately I will either not be able to provide that child the things they really need, or I will become so overwhelmed and stressed that I may even have to disrupt the placement. I do not want to find myself in that situation if I can avoid it at all, so that’s why I’m being so thoughtful and “picky” I guess about the placement I do take. And perhaps from the outside looking in it seems like I am just being too picky, and maybe I am, but this is my first time taking a placement and my first time parenting so I’m trying to kind of take it easy on myself this first time around. Foster parenting is not like “regular” parenting. There are so many unknowns, everything can change at a moments notice, and most importantly these kids have all experienced some sort of trauma, and that’s all on top of the regular struggles of parenting in general (not that I’m an expert by any means)! I’m trying to be patient and give myself grace while I’m waiting for the right kiddo to come along, and I’m praying that I will know that in my heart when I do get “that call”! 

I knew this wouldn’t be an easy journey, but God is teaching me so much every day! I still have a lot of moments that I struggle, and I second guess myself a lot, but somehow at the end of the day I am able to rest assured that God is in control and that He has a perfect plan for not only me, but all of the children I may or may not have the opportunity to love in my home!! So, I will just continue to pray, wait, and trust that at the right time the perfect kiddo will be placed in my home!