Since returning from Uganda, I have been almost at a loss for words to describe how this trip has impacted my life and everything that I was a part of and experienced there. Transitioning back to "normal" life here in the U.S. has been much more difficult than I ever anticipated. I want so badly to share everything about this trip, but haven't really known where to start or what to say. I decided the best place to start is my heart...my journal. I wrote this prayer about a day and a half after I got back and it describes a lot of what I've been feeling this week. This is my prayer:
"God, my heart hurts!! I miss Uganda and the amazing people and children I met there so much it hurts! I miss Ekubo and George and Christie and all those children! I miss baby Joseph and pray he is getting better and growing stronger everyday! I miss Sangaalo and I miss Bobby and his sweet smiles and snuggles! I miss Rose and her huge hugs and beautiful smiles! I miss all the kids at Canaan and seeing them running to our bus when we returned each day! I miss it all God and I'm not sure how to go back to "normal" life! I know this trip has made a huge impact on my life, I'm just not sure what that looks like yet. I know you are molding my heart and working in me, I am just not totally sure how. I'm open God, I'm Your clay, please mold me into what you want me to be! Guide me and help me know when You are speaking to me! God, I know adoption is still heavy on my heart and my desire to be a mom has only grown stronger. I know you keep reminding me that sometimes one has to take a step of faith before Your full plans are revealed. But God, I am a dense, sometimes really blind human so sometimes I just need a neon sign or writing across the sky to point me in the right direction. I don't know if you are pointing me in the direction to pursue adoption now or if it is just my emotions getting the best of me. I can't stop thinking of two very special baby boys that will forever hold a place in my heart. God, please help me understand what You are teaching me through this trip and where you are leading me now! Help me to adjust to life back here and be able to make sense of all my varying emotions. Most of all God, speak through me and give me the words to say so that You are glorified by this trip and my life from now on! Thank you so much for this amazing opportunity and giving me the honor of serving those children and making a difference in their lives! I love you God, and only want to serve you and your children. In Your Great Name, Amen!"
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