Numb...

I have been a lot more "emotionally stable" this week than last.  I am almost starting to feel numb again.  Not numb as in oblivious to my emotions or what I saw and experienced in Uganda, but numb because I miss Uganda and those kids so much I don't think my heart can hurt anymore!  I don't think my eyes can cry anymore tears.  It's easy to put on a brave face and pretend that life goes on, but inside my heart is still breaking!  I have spent the last two weeks working in a pediatric intensive care unit as part of my orientation for my new transport job, and every one of those kids reminds me everyday of the children I met in Uganda!  I don't have my own children (yet) so I realize I can't really know, but I feel almost as if I left I my own children there!  My dreams are filled with images of them, my brain is constantly flooded with memories of them, and I don't know how much more my heart can take knowing I can't be there to tuck a sweet girl into bed at night, play with the kids during their break at school, or rock a sweet baby to sleep!  I want to be there so badly with them I have these fleeting moments of just wanting to drop everything in my life to go back there!  But then reality sets in and I realize I have responsibilities here, a new job I'm starting, and bills to pay.  I want to tell my story and share about all these amazing ministries we visited, but I can't do it at church because it's so big.  I am praying that God will provide an outlet and an audience, but I'm just not sure who that will be or how it will happen.  All I know is my heart continues to ache for Uganda and those children!!