Blissfully Single...

Blissfully single...is that even possible? I've been contemplating that a lot lately. I'd say that most times, I'm content and single, but blissfully? Probably not. And I will admit there are even days, probably more than I'd like to admit, that I'm really not even that content. There are times I sit at home on a Friday night watching a movie or tv and I really wish I had a strong man to curl up next to and cuddle with. There are silly times I wish I had a man too, like when I find a huge spider and have to spend five minutes convincing myself I'm a big girl and can kill a spider on my own. It would just be much easier if I could scream like a little girl and have my boyfriend or husband come running to the rescue like a knight in shining armor to kill said spider! Then there are times I realize it is kind of nice to be single, and I try to remind my self of those times. I never would have been able to do some of the things in my life that I have done, like moving across the country for a flight nursing job if I had been married with a family. I know that as in Ecclesiastes 3:1 "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens" So, I realize that this season of my life is just a time God has set aside for me to be single. I guess I just never thought this season would last quite this long. I struggle with knowing how to trust God completely with this. The rational part of me realizes that God isn't just going to drop some guy out of the sky into my lap one day for me to marry. But, if I go "in search" of a guy does that mean I'm not trusting enough? I really don't know the answers. I want to trust God completely with this, I'm just not sure how sometimes. I am however, becoming more and more content to wait patiently if it means I will be completely head over heels in love with the man of my dreams someday! I look at some of my married friends, and I see what they have, and I'm willing to wait for that with the right person, rather than settle for the wrong person and not be happy. My sister is getting married this coming spring and I couldn't be more happy for her! She has found a great guy that adores her and makes her happy! Did I ever really imagine my little sister would get married before me, no...but I also never imagined 10 years ago I would have moved 3 times and had some amazing experiences in my nursing career including being a flight nurse. You just never know where God is going to take you. I realize that being single right now is the season God has placed me in and I want to embrace it! God has blessed me in so many ways, so who am I to complain about this one little thing of being single. I have an amazing family, awesome friends, a good job that I enjoy, a great house to live in, what more could I ask for? I know there will always be those days where I will have a "pity party" and wonder "why on earth I'm still single", or "what's wrong with me?" and I think that's normal to an extent (at least I hope it is!). I think about my cousin and I. We are both strong, independent, successful, fun young women, and yet we are both as single as you can get. What guy wouldn't be thrilled to find a girl like either of us, yet we can barely even get a date or acknowledgement from a guy. I'm not really sure why. Although deep down, I think I do know at least in part that the real reason is because God wants us to be single right now. It's figuring out why that is the tough part. I think maybe in part it is to truly prepare us for the men he has for us one day. And I guess that is comforting knowing that God must have someone really special for us to have us wait this long. So, in the meantime I will try my hardest to live everyday to be at least contently single, if not blissfully single!!

Sketchy Hotels, Zombies, and Waffle House....

This weekend my cousin, Kasey, and I roadtripped for one last use of our Kings Island season passes for the year. It was Halloween Haunt at Kings Island which we weren't thrilled about being two girls who are big chickens when it comes to anything remotely scary. However...we were determinded to brave the Haunt and get in some night rides on our favorite coasters one last time for the season! So, we rolled into the Kings Island area around 9 and decided to just find a cheap hotel for the night. Our first try at a hotel...sketchy, very sketchy! So we moved on...next hotel, less sketchy, but way to expensive for one night. Finally...on our third try we found someplace suitable. We checked in and headed off to the park. We had barely even entered Kings Island when Kasey mutters to me that one of the scary people was following me...awesome...Here I am 30 years old and my heart is racing because some young college girl dressed up as a zombie is following me. Rationalizing it now I realize how silly it sounds, but at the moment I just kept thinking "just keep walking, just keep walking, maybe she'll go away". Thankfully she did after Kasey was clever enough to stop dead in her tracks and make the girl run right into her. Haha. We had a great night after that riding the Beast and Diamondback at night in the frigid air. After the park closed we were starving...as is common at 2am...so we decided to try to find an Ihop (what else could you want at 2am?). No such luck...closest thing we found was a Waffle House. We decided to give it a shot....Oh boy were we in for an experience! Neither one of us had ever been to a Waffle House, so we were a little taken aback by the open, see everything we're doing, kitchen. It was quite busy, so I'm sure that played some into what we were seeing, but we were not prepared for what we saw. The waitresses were yelling and screaming, even at us. The cooks were yelling at the waitresses. There was chaos everywhere! We finally placed our orders, only to hear them shouted at the cooks standing two feet away. Had I known, I would have just shouted what I wanted to the cook myself and saved a step. We sat at the stools looking straight into the cooking area and became more and more nervous about what we were about to eat. The cook was touching raw eggs, then meat, then bread for toast, and then drinking his own can of pop while stiring the eggs all without gloves! We prayed we were not about to consume something that would give us salmonella poisoning! We got our food finally, and to our surprise it was actually quite tasty (but who knows, that could be because it was 2am and we were starving) and we didn't die of food poisoning! However, we didn't leave completely unscathed...we were splashed more than once with dishwater by the waitress that was doing the dishes just on the other side of the counter. And, her response to our being splashed...laughing at us. After our Waffle House experience we went back to the hotel where we became slightly fascinated by the wall of mirrors at the head of our beads. These mirrors strangely looked a lot like two way mirrors...you know the ones where people hide on the other side to watch and on the mirror side you can't tell there's anyone there. So, us being mature adults decided to mess around a couple minutes making faces and posing sillily at the "people on the other side of the mirror", knowing full well there wasn't really anyone there. What can I say...it was 2am and we were slap happy. We finally went to bed, got some sleep and got up the next morning for a quick trip back to the park for a few more rides. Neither Kasey nor I had brought shampoo or conditioner assuming the hotel would have some in the room, but we were wrong. We managed to find some at the front desk. Kasey then realized there was also no hairdryer in the room and proceded to attempt drying her hair at the in room heater/air contitioner unit. I managed to come to her rescue by getting a hair drier at the front desk. We then realized that it was 10:50 and we had to check out in 10 min. We rushed around, packed up and left in a hurry, only to later discover after we got home that I left my beloved pillow at the hotel. We went back to Kings Island for a few more rides. Stopped for lunch at a Quaker Steak for something different and were both sorely disappointed with our meals, and proceded to make the drive home. And so....that was our fun filled weekend trip to Kings Island. Never a dull moment for us girls!

Learning to Lean...

I was reminded of an old Hymn we used to sing fairly often at church when I was a young girl called "Leaning on the Everlasting Arms". Here are the lyrics:






What a fellowship, what a joy divine,

Leaning on the everlasting arms;

What a blessedness, what a peace is mine,

Leaning on the everlasting arms.




Refrain




Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms;

Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.




O how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way,

Leaning on the everlasting arms;

O how bright the path grows from day to day,

Leaning on the everlasting arms.




Refrain




What have I to dread, what have I to fear,

Leaning on the everlasting arms;

I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,

Leaning on the everlasting arms.




Refrain



As I read over these lyrics I remember being a little girl and I always enjoyed singing this song because it reminded me of sitting on my daddys lap and how safe and secure I felt being in those arms and how neat it was that God is like that too. Now as an adult, its funny how difficult it is to remember that! I think we often forget as adults that we still have that "Daddy" to lean on in our Heavenly Father. He is there to give us the strength, comfort, and peace we need. I look at the last verse "What have I to dread, what have I to fear" and I'm reminded that with God we have absolutely NOTHING to fear or dread!



I am going to have to keep reminding myself of that fact and this song going into my doctor appointment today. I had a "spell" at work last night, felt dizzy, hot, etc. and when I called the doctor's office to try to make an appointment (which I was planning on doing even before the spell) I mentioned it and they kind of freaked me out with their response. The receptionist put me on hold, when she came back she told me she had taken it to my doctor's assistant and they would be calling me back. When the assistant called me back she said my doctor "really wanted to see me" and "if you have any more problems or get worse call us back and we'll probably have to go to the ER". Um Yikes!! Way to freak me out! So needless to say, I now have an appointment this afternoon with my doctor and I am a little nervous about what she may tell me or want to do next. Going into this appointment I will just have to remember to "Lean on the Everlasting Arms"! But boy, when you're a strong, stubborn girl (especially a nurse that thinks she has it figured out), it's not easy to learn to lean! If only it was as easy as when I was a little girl and I just loved to crawl into my daddy's lap. For today, I'll try to keep this song in mind and lean on our Heavenly Father for comfort and strength!

So do not fear........

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10. God reminded me of this verse yesterday as I was fretting waiting on some test results. I got the test results later in the day and they seem good, but I am waiting to actually see my doctor again to know for sure. I can't help but be a little scared though. All these "what if" questions go through my head like "what if this is something serious?" or "what if they never figure out what is wrong". But then this still small voice keeps reassuring me that I don't need to fear, God is with me! As I kept reminding myself of that verse, I realized, that no matter what happens, God will bring me though it! Another verse I was reminded of yesterday is ‎2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." That sound mind part is what I struggle with sometimes. I think being a nurse I over analyze things and do too much "research". I freak myself out thinking it could be the worst instead of laying it all at God's feet and resting in His arms. I think I should print that verse out and put it on my mirror or something to continue to remind myself of God's power and love over my life.



As I've been thinking about blogging more and reading other people's blogs I have been reminded just how blessed I am! True, I may be struggling with some annoying health issues, but I have my life, and my amazing family and friends! Things could be so much worse! I was reading a blog about a family who lost their baby boy to trisomy 18, and they were so uplifting and encouraging, even through their loss! Then I also read about a wife who lost her husband of nearly 20 years to leukemia. I am blessed! My family is healthy, I am not dealing with anything that I can't handle with God's help. Regardless of what the future holds for me, and what test results might show, God is with me! That's all I need to know!!

Feeling inspired...

I haven't done this in awhile, but I've had this sudden desire to start writing again. I'm not a great writer, or all that interesting, but I'm human and I have stories and experiences that affect me, and who I am so I thought I would put some of it into words. I've always been able to express myself better in writing than any other way, so I guess it would come natural for me to find this almost cathartic. I think a big reason I've had the desire to start writing is because of some of the things I've been dealing with lately. I've been dealing with some health issues since the summer and I've had a pretty big move in the middle of all of this too, so I think I've just come to a place where I need to get some of my thoughts and feelings out. I moved back to Indiana to be closer to my family and I love it! Being near family is so amazing and I'm so glad I made the move. A big part of that decision was because of some of the health problems I was having and feeling the need to be near my support system. I have been dealing with more of these health issues again lately and its becoming very frustrating. No one can seem to figure out what is going on. I've had test after test with nothing but normal results...which I realize is good, but when you're not feeling well and having real symptoms, it is very frustrating when there isn't an answer for why. This has all really reminded me of how much I just have to rely on God as my strength and trust in Him through all this. I know He has all the answers, but I just have to keep reminding myself of that. It's so easy to get frustrated and even scared sometimes not knowing what is going on. I'll admit there have been times I have been scared...really scared. I'm 30 and should not be having this many medical issues. And being a nurse doesn't help! I freak myself out by finding the worst possible thing it could be. Google and WebMD should be banned from my computer! It's like this little cartoon I saw that said "When I feel sick, I google my symptoms and usually find out that I have cancer". I have to just keep reminding myself of the verse Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." I know that in time this will all make sense and I will have the answers. I just have to learn to trust, and seek God as my strength. I guess that's what this journey is all about...finding our way along His Path and drawing nearer to him with every step!